Dreams

I have come to the conclusion that dreams can be quite bitter-sweet. While your fast asleep, having a dream, feeling like what your seeing is real life, everything can seem quite perfect. But then you wake up, and have to live in reality. But even that sometimes can still be a good thing. Sometimes when i have dreams about people that I miss, waking up feeling like I just spent a day in there presence makes me feel like they are not so far away. A few nights ago I had a dream about Paul. He was hanging out with my family and I at my parents house. It seemed so real. In fact, when I woke up, I felt confused! Any ways, in this dream I remember saying to him, "you know you can come visit us and the boys anytime you like". I don't remember his response. I wish I did, but that is what happens when you are a crummy blogger. :) Really, I hope he does visit often. I miss the guy. And sometimes I feel very pathetic missing him when I was just his sister-in-law. I've said it before though, he was one of the greatest men that I have ever met. He had a kind heart, loving personality, a sense of humor, smart, sensitive, helpful, etc. He had all the traits my family could use right now. And although I know he must have had more important things to do in heaven, I still, a year and a half later, don't get why it had to be him. Or why it has to be anybody for that matter. Any who. Sorry for the booooooooby post. I am going to try and post more on here, hopefully happy things!! Ta ta for now!!

Super Bowl 2011

Have I ever mentioned how much of a Green Bay fan Paul was? He was probably the biggest, so as soon as I knew that the Packers were in the Super Bowl, I knew that was who HAD to win. Paul would have been so pumped that his team won! But it was kind of a bitter sweet moment, as weird as that sounds. It would have been a much better victory if Paul was there to share it with.

Sometimes I get sick of getting sad. Sometimes I think about how weird it is that it has almost been a year since that tragic day that Pauly left us. I sometimes wish that time would continue to fly by so that most of the sadness would go away. I'm not sure it ever will, but I'm sure time helps.

When I think about April of 2010, all I can think of is sadness. I think about being at a funeral being surrounded by sad, crying people. I remember feeling like I couldn't cry. Like I had to keep myself composed. Mostly what I remember is walking to the chapel behind the casket after the family prayer. I cried my eyes out. I just remember walking and crying. I remember looking around at my family seeing the tears, which still makes me cry.

After that day, everything went down hill. From one dramatic moment to the next. To this day I wish things could have been opposite.

I miss the way Paul would say "What up Yiy dog?" as he walked through the front door with the biggest size cup that Maverick has full off Mountain Dew. I miss getting into "fist fights" that I knew I would lose, and end up being the one to get hurt. I miss his laugh, and the sound of his voice. I miss the way he was so laid back, and the way he wasn't scared to act like my BROTHER instead of just my brother-in-law.

I apologize for the sadness, and the complaining. Just one of those nights I guess? Any who,

CONGRATULATIONS PACKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!